True, how a battle junkie can be killed so effortlessly and how can this guy be so open with telling his mind. I am finding this guy more naive than someone cautious which he mentions again and again how he never wanted to become a king, so he was cautious in his conduct but through his actions I can't see his cautiousness
6/10 It's not bad but beginning felt very lacking and the pace is somewhat weird to me
Honestly, the story just kind of sucks. Right now, my biggest issue and just from this chapter is the dialogue just being horrific. Most egregious example is this one: "DAMN YOU, MORRIS YGGDRASIL"
The all-caps is trying to come off as some kind of unrestrained outburst, but it just feels melodramatic, it's too over the top especially for characters that we haven't met or interacted with, and the vulgarity like "OLD FUCK" is just gratuitous at this point. But in general the Inconsistent tone, lack of subtlety, and excessive vulgarity just kinda shows that the writing here's just poor overall.
Another issue is how one dimensional, and super clichéd the characters have been so far, beautiful elf maid in the first chapter? Siblings as “idiots” and schemers? It's just undermining any possible character depth.
"Not that you could really tell, seeing as I’d inherited my mom’s deep red eyes. My hair was a silver closer to white than grey, which clashed with my eyes so badly that the combined looks of my mom and my dad couldn’t quite save me on some days" This was just hard to read. White hair, and red eyes? Sure man, go for it, super cliché but like you don't have to be original at all times, but the execution of this was just bad.
There's 0 subtlety, like the rest of this chapter. For a starter the comparison is super clumsy: "My hair was a silver closer to white than grey” This just sounds awkward. The comparison is convoluted, and the subsequent claim that “the combined looks of my mom and my dad couldn’t quite save me” feels like a overly literal attempt at humor, and it all just kind of falls flat. It also just feels more like a forced self-deprecating aside than a part of character development. Another issue was the placing of it. The focus on physical attributes, while it can be interesting, ends up feeling like a checklist of traits rather than you giving a cohesive idea of what the character looks like. The imagery doesn’t go smoothly with the rest of the narrative tone, so it just ends up being jarring rather than going with the rest of the story.
Overall, the writing so far has just been lackluster. I've pointed out a few flaws, and it wouldn't be an issue if it was a one time thing, but those are just examples of consistent issues. The story tone is all over the place, there's 0 subtlety in your story-telling, and so far just in nuance and originality, the mark's been missed by a lot.
Hopefully a good bang- edit
Wait so... The humans are in charge of the World Tree, not the elves. Nice change
I think that we are supposed to be intrigued by all this and get our answers soon
I am looking forwards to character progression in this novel. And also, I think his " twin specialities" were wind and... Water? Ice? Anyway, so he is a mage then? I hope he is physical as well
So making dozens of magic circles, is that considered good? I feel like he is not training much, was that what his gramps said about him wasting 20 years?
Second wife appears it seems. And a water nymph! I know that they say that women are made of water, and they are, but what about a descendant of a water nympho?
Yeah, keep the chair safely at home with the siblings. But then again, this is the frontline. Hopefully this dude amps up the defences or something. Nothing more needs doing.
Right?
Now then, is OIivia evil? Is the General about to warn him? Is it the opposite?! I dunno, I am drinking wine. I don´t really care, I am enjoying myself
