Hmmmmmmm, siblings plot in the darkness and the only other good guy is already dead...I hope the rest of his siblings are smarter then the youngest. Also Rex sends mixed signals, he seems to not want to become king but also demonstrate some ambition/sense of duty.
Tftc The story seems interesting. Rex is a bit whiny, but that's the kind of MC he is supposed to be I guess. I would prefer a bit less, but it's chapter one, soo. The description of the characters was okay, mostly physical so we can create a picture of them in our minds. Personally I prefer descriptions that aren't too focused on the clothes and what-not, but more on the impression the people convey. There were some mistakes that should be fixed, prominently the excessive use of commas: I had two options at the moment; flee the country in disgrace with the few assets as I could scrounge.... Should be: with the few assets I could scrounge up... There are more, but I don't have time to type everything out. Genesis doesn't let you mark text (probably to make it harder for aggregator sites stealing stories), so I had to type out the text. Personally I see potential in the story so I will proceed reading, but having an editor look over for spellings, grammar and feedback would give the story some polish.
So usually I'm much more lenient, but since this is a story ima be a very critical. So first off they introduced way to many characters in the first chapter. On top of that it seems very rushed. This should probably have been split into two chapters so we could better get to know the characters and setting. The MC so far isn't that interesting and while this way be a bit of a me thing I don't like when characters are self aware of the story (aka interacting with the audience). It takes away from the immersion. I can't comment on grammar as that is my weakest subject. With that being said this was a rather lackluster introduction to the story.
firsts of all, wth is mc motive, second of all wtf is that introduction we don't even know mc want and why he dislike it so much, it's like I skipped 10 chapter's ahead or something, overall lack Polish. to improve, make introduce mc while he comforting the old king and why he don't want to join in the throne war/abolish the throne war. That alone would be a better introduction then whatever this crap is, IT'S THE FIRST CHAP FOR A REASON not a continuity. That all
I don't like how there ain't no background or base for this story... But I guess it hopefully will be solved by reading it
Why is he so passive? And why did the psycho red light dude get his ass busted and kill the oldest brother? I feel like I missed 20 chapters
Thanks for the chapter. So, why he doesn't to get together with the elf?
I think how he’s pulled in situations by his own subordinates is a bit aggressive. Troupes, if that is the right word, like this usually have misunderstandings on both sides.
